| Email us your funniest hearing humour at hear@protectear.com and if we use it we'll send you a coveted dB Blocker T-Shirt. |
An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer says, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING."
The patrolman says, "May I see your license?"
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE."
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had."
The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?"
"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.
Two men were walking their dogs in
Jasper realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."
"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.
The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed.
"How does it work?" asked Jasper
. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!"
| |
Rick Haworth, Innophos Canada |
Two men were walking their dogs in Provincetown one afternoon, a German Shepherd and a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd decided he wanted a drink in the bar and asked his friend to come along. The other man was surprised and pointed out that the bartender would never let them in with their pets.
The man with the Shepherd said, watch this. He put on a pair of dark shades walked boldly into the bar directly behind his pet, and ordered a beer. The bartender took no notice and served him.
The other man now emboldened decided to do the same. With his dark shades and the Chihuahua leading the way he entered the bar, sauntered over to the bartender and ordered a drink.
The bartender said, “We don’t allow pets in this bar.”
The man said, “But sir, this is my seeing-eye dog.”
To which the bartender said, “A Chihuahua is not a seeing-eye dog.”
“They gave me a Chihuahua?”
| |
Garrison Keillor
Prairie Home Companion |
Three yardmen, each with wearing earplugs, were sitting eating lunch on a pile of lumber in the lumber mill.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.
He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."
The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.
He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.
He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"
Two hard of hearing people are talking. One says to the other, “I just got these new hearing aids! They’re great, I can hear everything! But man, they were expensive.”
“Really,” says his friend, “Maybe I should get a pair, what kind are they?”
The first man promptly looks at his watch and replies, “Oh, about a quarter to six.”
|
